It’s been a while since I wrote here.
Like everyone else, there’s something of approaching the end of the year that induces a reflective, pensive mood. Hence, this post.
And who would disagree? This year has thrown every expectation and plan out the window. We’ve all had to make adjustments some way or another but at the end of the day, we’re here together.
The idea of this post swirled around in my mind for a couple of weeks now. How can I summarise 2020 into a blog post?
Similar to what I did before, I’ll attempt to describe the year in 12 words – one for every month. Let’s get started.
January – Discovery
I started a new full-time job at the beginning of the year and it was an industry I never thought I would be in. It was daunting having to process so much information, work with a larger team and balance my social life. At times, I yearned to be alone because being around too many people expended a lot of my energy. Thankfully, I took it in my stride and took time for myself whenever needed.
February – Exploration
I delved deep into different topics that are uncomfortable for many. Self-image, self-esteem, intimacy, expectations in a relationship, even the birds and the bees. There aren’t full stops to these conversations. They have to be ongoing conversations as we learn to accept ourselves for who we are and realising that #iamenough.
March – Detox
A technology detox, I mean. In March, I started a tech detox once every week where I left my phone aside for the whole day and not touched any social media. In the beginning I felt constant pressure to fill my time but gradually, things just filled my time naturally. Whether it was reading, watching a movie with my siblings, or drawing, time passed and I felt so much more well-rested both physically and mentally. It’s a habit I still carry with me till today.
April – Longing
We went into circuit breaker and momentarily, family members couldn’t meet, lovers couldn’t embrace and friends couldn’t catch up. Everyone plunged into Netflix party and online meetings became the latest trend. We all had to stay physically apart but deep down, we all craved a little human touch. This month, the ego hit me hard and filled me with lots of doubt… of myself and the future.
May – Routine
In May, my colleagues and I were given orders to stay in a hotel for the month because of the virus. I was dreading it because I always want to be physically close to my family. Others would rather be alone but not me. Thankfully, due to the strict routine I had to stick to, I developed a healthy daily regime. Breakfast, work, exercise, dinner, nightly reflections and calls with my loved ones. I had to be alone in the hotel room but the amount of love and concern I received touched my heart deeply.
June – Restart
People started going back to work in their offices, children went back to schools, albeit with a more cautious note in the air. I also looked forward to meeting friends again, though it weighed heavily on my mind if this year was ever going to end……
July – Health
There were a few health scares among loved ones this month, with multiple trips to the doctors. It didn’t help that the virus was still around and each cough or increase in body temperature created unnecessary fear. Thankfully, everyone is fine. Our health, truly is our wealth.
August – Love
For some reason, there were lots of family dinners and outings. Not that I’m complaining – I treasure every moment I spend with my family! We had many dinners out, shopping escapades and impromptu meet-ups. Even if it were just a simple meal with the family, it would have sufficed. Being in the presence of your loved ones just creates a different energy don’t you think?
September – Ego
I was hit with an unusual amount of ego every other day. I was constantly questioning myself – Am I good enough? What if they don’t like you? Who do you think you are? – many doubts crept into me and unfortunately, some times it got the better of me. I felt very lousy about myself and I had to constantly remind myself to be compassionate to myself, and that this too shall pass.
October – Surprise
What a month this was. I was faced with unexpected challenges and for the first time, had to confront myself and question myself the intentions of everything I did. I always believed in letting nature take its course but when things really start snowballing, how do we handle them?
November – Anticipation
It was a high-stress month – at work and in personal life. There were several exciting things coming up at year-end. I anticipated new changes and challenges, and yet, I struggled to leave behind what I found comfort in the most.
December – Adjustments
Highlight of the year – I got married to the love of my life! I love that we get to spend the rest of our lives together but along with this commitment comes the whole process of adjustment that no one talks about. Having to accommodate new family members and habits, spending less time with the people I grew up with 24/7, and finding a brand new routine. Why didn’t anyone talk about all these?
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All in all, 2020 was such an unexpected year. I can’t believe it’s coming to an end. Wherever you are, I hope you take the best of 2020 and bring it into 2021 with a stronger heart, mind and body.
Sending you lots of love, xx.