Up and down my feelings go

Today was an up-and-down day.

Sometimes I question the decisions I make; whether they were the right or the wrong to do. And then at other times, like today, I feel completely inadequate and lacking in so many ways. It’s not a good feeling.

It’s been a month since school started, and I suppose the 8 months break has deprived my brain of any exercise I feel like I’m still a little slow in getting my brains to warm up a little. It takes a bit of time for me to process the information at lectures and tutorials. Perhaps my brain is slowing down. Or perhaps it’s just an entirely new prospect that I’m doing which makes it so challenging.

While I always tell myself it’s ok to falter a little, because eventually I’ll get there, the feeling of being all beaten up and defeated sometimes gets in the way. Today was one day my feelings got in my way.

But then I remembered I was not alone in this new adventure, and I had friends all around who were also going through new experiences. Some are dealing well but others seem to be struggling to stay afloat. Fortunately, a dear friend knocked some sense into me and pulled me back in time before I could spiral into a hole of nothingness.

Maybe it was all the stress of a new environment, new faces and new challenges, and I started tearing up at her words. The more I read, the more tears threatened to fall (but thank god I didn’t because I was on the train). I was comforted by the fact that I have such friends who care and that is something that I hold very close to my heart.

So thank you, friends, for being there when I need you. I hope to be there for you as well when you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a hand to pull you along.

(I teared a little writing this post too. I think it’s the hormones at work oh no.)

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